Most of the articles we come across when we research budgeting for weddings address the issue of “How to Talk to Your Parents About Wedding Budgets”. We understand that a lot of people have help from their parents and that’s fantastic. However, we feel like a huge subject has been overlooked.
How do you talk about the wedding budget with your partner?
Maybe it’s one of those obvious things that people just think is built into wedding planning. That you set a number and move on… But how do you broach the subject, especially when money is a point of contention in your life/relationship?
Come at it from a comfortable, planned place. Don’t just spring this on your partner during their favorite TV show. Pick a day that you both agree to spend a chunk of time in wedding planning mode. Have snacks and make it a fun thing. After all, it is your wedding. It’s a party!
Listen. Once you bring it up, actively listen to your partner’s concerns. Are they worried about spending too much and would rather stick to a strict budget? Are you? Will you guys have to ask for help to fund this or cut guests? If you have no idea where to start, try an exercise where you both list the five things you want most out of your wedding, then see what the other wrote. Try to find a way to bring those lists together and start budgeting from there. You’ll find that a lot of people would write “yummy cake and lots of friends”, rather than “designer dress and exclusive venue”.
Be willing to compromise. Okay. So you did go for the nice venue after all because you really, really loved it. Be willing to make cuts in other places. Let your crazy second cousins stay home in order to free up some of the budget. Make sure that your partner also gets something that’s special to them, too. Bring up the fact that you got a really special thing (venue, or what have you) and you’d like to allot some of the funds to your partner for something equally wonderful. Keeping it as equal as possible will make you both happier in the long run.
Once you figure out your budget, present a united front. Here’s the easiest part. Once you’ve hashed everything out, you just have to stick to it. If something happens and you need to make a decision to make cuts or spend more, make the decision together and attack the problem as a couple. If your partner’s parents give you an extra thousand to put toward the wedding, make the decision of how to use it together. It’s hard to step out of making decisions on your own (it’s what you were used to doing as a single person), but you are stepping into a new life with this person. It’s time to become a couple in every sense of the word. You can still be you, in all your glorious individuality.
Share things, make decisions together, and be one entity of pure awesomeness when it comes to your marriage.